I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also, beer. Big fan.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Randomize
