i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
