the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
