I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
