he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize