So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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