Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
