my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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