Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
