my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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