i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Are my feet made of real feet?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
