Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
