The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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