No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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