I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
