How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
