Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
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you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
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Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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