some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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