Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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