My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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