if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
what day is it and did you see me today?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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