he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
