Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
