guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Randomize
