Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
