Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
vagina is talking i cant
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
