we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
