the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
