Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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