why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I forget how to act sober
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
