this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
