mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
