Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
