So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
