ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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