He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
barbara walters just said penis...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
