having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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