You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
