Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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