can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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