so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
