There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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