addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Is it because I queefed?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
