The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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