if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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