Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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