she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
