She is in my trunk
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
