she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
