I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
