i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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