My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
