I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
