they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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