You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
