I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
