OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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