oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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