Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize